Now, everyone knows I have a small problem with jealousy. Tiny. Minuscule. I managed to look gracious and happy for the person who won. He seemed nice and humble and genuinely surprised. He also sings country music, which counts against him in my book. Anyway, after he won, they kicked me out of my seat in front of the fireplace to get a picture of him for the company newsletter. I didn't really have a lot of time to allow my full, jealous rage to take over.
Therefore, I decided to make it the topic of today's praise psalm. I know I'm supposed to have humility. I know the first shall be last, yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm working on it. Really I am. It's hard to do with just a chef's salad in my stomach.
Pray for Saint Marty. He needs it.
Psalm 23: A Humble Prayer
Lord, teach me to be humble.
When I expect rare prime rib,
Give me overcooked chicken breast.
When I order raspberry cream torte,
Make me settle for sponge cake,
Twinkie. I know I’m proud, Lord,
Think less of those who like rhyme
In poems, pity their children, spouses
For their ignorance, find the world
Somehow darker because Ogden Nash
Paired “stethoscope” with “laundry soap.”
Teach me to be humble, Lord.
If I’m the only nominee for the Nobel
Prize in Literature, let the Swedes
Forgo the award for lack of talent,
Review policies that allowed me
To offend their eyes with my words.
Lord, teach me what it’s like
For people to point, jeer at my skin-tight
Tee shirt, torn jeans, haul me off
To Jansen House with drunks,
Drag queens, meth addicts, force me
To scrounge in garbage for cans to return
So I can buy a copy of Best American Poetry,
Find out which writer of inferior,
Pardon me, superior verse has received
Recognition from the editor.
Teach me now, Lord, what’s really
Important: healthy wife, healthy kids,
Food in fridge, a home, a job,
A raise, publications, a book deal,
The National Book Award, the Pulitzer,
Vacation home in the Hamptons,
Dinners with Bill, Hillary, their dog,
An occasional invite to the White House,
Buckingham, Versailles, the Vatican,
A private viewing of the Shroud of Turin,
A vision of the Virgin Mary, Jesus Christ,
The power to cure cancer, AIDS, blindness.
Lord, teach me to be humble. Please, Lord. Amen.