September 12: Sarcasm, My Natural State

I have a sarcastic streak.  I can't help it.  It's my natural state.  I think it comes from being the youngest of nine children.  I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.  I'm not proud of this character trait, but it does come in handy when something or somebody is annoying me.

For some reason, I find myself being incredibly sarcastic today.  Just a few minutes ago, I was viewing pictures of newborn babies on a local hospital's website.  Instead of cooing and ooohing over each and every photo, I found myself pointing out flaws. 

"Oh, look how cute that one is."

"If you like kids with points on their heads," says I.  "That kid could double as a tent spike."

"Oh, look at little Penelope."

"What's with that hat?" says I.  "She looks like a damaged Cabbage Patch Kid."

"Little Tyson is so cute."

"Tyson?  Really?  What is he--a slice of chicken?" says I.  "Maybe his mom was hungry when she named him."

"Lulu is absolutely adorable."

"If you're into dumplings with eyes," says I.

You get the idea.  I didn't see a single cute baby.  I really pity my students today.  When I'm in this kind of mood, I generally don't hold it back in the classroom.  I hope nobody irritates me.

Saint Marty needs to watch what he says today, lest he offends some unsuspecting bystander.

The cutest little boy in the world--no sarcasm involved