March 1: Sleep Tight, Ya Morons!

...I put my red hunting hat on, and turned the peak around to the back, the way I liked it, and then I yelled at the top of my goddam voice, "Sleep tight, ya morons!"...

That's Holden's famous parting line when he leaves Pencey Prep at the beginning of The Catcher in the Rye.  I really have no idea why I started this post with that particular passage.  It called to me this morning as I was flipping through my copy of the book.  Holden doesn't care for anyone at Pencey, so his exit is intended to wake up his classmates, let them all know what phonies they are.  Of course, at the end of the novel, when Holden is in the hospital, he starts missing people, even the "morons" from Pencey.

I think that's pretty common for most people.  Even if you're working at a crap job, completely miserable, there are people who make your life a little bit easier or happier.  For instance, I desperately want a full-time teaching job at the university, but I know that I would miss my coworkers in the medical office if I got that position.  Through the stress and heartache of the last twelve or so years, they have helped my, held me, listened to me.  They are good people, some of my best friends.

No, I'm not hinting that I have been offered a full-time professorship at the university (I wish!).  I'm simply saying that I take my friends for granted, and I shouldn't.  One of my best friends with whom I work just applied for another job.  It's a good job, one she would be really good at.  I support her in her decision.  Heck, I even wrote her resume and cover letter.  However, there's a tiny side of me that doesn't want her to get the job.  A tiny, very ugly side of me.  A jealous side.

Since I'm confessing things, I might as well admit something else.  Another of my coworkers is thinking about selling her current home and buying a new one.  This coworker currently has a gorgeous three-bedroom house with two bathrooms.  The house in which she's interested has five bedrooms and four bathrooms.  I can't imagine having that much space to live in.  I can't even bend over in my kitchen to tie my shoes without bumping my ass against a wall or a counter.  Yes, it's that small.  My ugly secret is not that my kitchen is small.  My ugly secret is that I don't want my coworker to get that new house.

I don't mind looking petty, small, and jealous.  Everyone who knows me also knows this side of my personality.  I joke about it.  I make fun of it.  But it's always present.  I spend a good deal of my life regretting the things I don't have instead of being thankful for all of my blessings.  That's reality for me.

Maybe that's Holden's reality, too.  He's never happy with his school or friends or mother or father.  He's never happy.  Period.

On this P.O.E.T.S., I'm going to be happy.  It's the weekend.  Spring break next week.  Life is good.

Sleep tight, ya moron, Saint Marty.

This guy doesn't want my coworker to get that house, either